Pricetag to Raise a Child September 24, 2009

A middle-income family can expect to spend $291,570 including inflation to raise a child born in 2008 to adulthood,  This was reported in a new study by the  US department of Agriculture.  It is slight up from the same figure last year. If you have three kids, you will spend nearly a million bucks on them! See this report on Reuters.

The estimate covers food, shelter and other necessities for a child to age 18. The figure does not include the cost of childbirth or college. I also assume it does not incude private schooling or technotools like iPhone or laptops. Last year, the USDA estimated it would cost $269,040 to raise a child born in 2007 to age 18, including inflation. The USDA has made the estimates since 1960, when the estimated cost was $25,300. 

Average Indian American household will spend way more than that for their kids. Indian American household income is the largest among any ethnic groups (also highest educated) and they are keen on spending it on their children. They even save up to pay for the college education and wedding!

The growing cost of childrearing is another reason, families in the west are limiting number of children they are having. More children also mean more cost of raising them, which they do not have. parent become more preoccupied with saving up for their retirement and do not want to keep incurring expenses on their children. No wonder children per household is lagging behind the replacement need of 2.1 per family. Population control policy is imploding on western civilization leading to demographic winter.

Suicidal tendency August 19, 2009

U.S.-born Asian-American women seem to be particularly at risk for suicidal behavior, according to new University of Washington research.  The study shows 15.93 percent of U.S.-born Asian-American women have contemplated suicide in their lifetime, exceeding national estimates of 13.5 percent for all Americans.  (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090817190650.htm)

This is true of coconut generation – girls have higher propensity than boys. When cultural and gender issues collide, crisis becomes acute. It is never as intense as during adolescence. Being a teenager is hard in all cultures, but children of immigrants suffer severly. Children of Asian immigrants particularly suffer where gender bias is adversely stands against women. Thus teen girls growing up in Asian immigrant  dysfunctional homes are more inclined to consider ‘final exit’ more seriously.

So youth ministry in churches, school counselors and parents have a critical role of developing healthy relationships with teens to navigate children thro this difficult stage of life. Modern living makes it harder and we are pushed into isolation. Virtual relationships are not enough either. Teens need trusting real relationship, even when they lack relationship skills to sustain it.

Youth mentoring is powerful. Big brother, big sister program are so effective. Take some young people under your wings. Believe in them. Listen to them. be there for them. Ministry of availability and ministry of presence can make life transforming impact on the lives of teens.

Connext Conference in Chicago July 6, 2009

I am very excited about the forthcoming gathering of young South Asian Christian leaders of North America. Last one was in New York in Sept 2007 and we saw great momentum in what happening among South Asians Christians all over the continent. This time, it is going to be in Chicago and I am part of the local organizing team. See details at www.connextonline.org Focus this year is going to be on leadership development and we have a great line up of leaders as resource people. Theme is Unleashing the Leadership Potential. If you are serving South Asian community in any capacity or would like to, this is a must attend event for you.

Who are South Asians – people from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Nepal, Myanmar, Maldives and Bhutan. But it is not limited to them, but also those who work with them in some capacity. If you are a pastor, missionary, involved in campus ministry, marketplace leader, businessperson, youth leader, musician/artist, work with a parachurch org, studying in a bible college or seminary or actively serving in some capacity, this is an ideal event to hone your leadership skills.

See website and register early.

Deadly Pessimism of the Youth June 30, 2009

A  new study has found almost 15 percent of American teens believe they will die before age 35 — a perspective strongly linked to risky behavior. Read the report in Forbes. ALso see NIH findings on Adolescent Mental Health.

Last week, I lost a friend and he was only 30. Recently I was speaking at a youth camp and I was shocked at a their sense of doom awaiting them. They are living with a sense of fear about their uncertain future and dabble with risky behaviors. Such widespread teen pessimism is dangerous to church, society and nation. Economic uncertainity, living under foreign, prevailing media coverage of glooming national scenarios and what not.

The study also found that a teen’s mental state and behavior were mutually influential. A teen who predicted a short lifespan, for instance, during an early interview was more likely to engage in subsequent risky behavior, and teens who engaged in risky behavior throughout the first year of the study were more likely to develop a pessimistic view of their future.

Kids begin to think, there is no point in studying hard, if they cannot find any reasonable job. When they see their parents loose jobs, they doubt their own future. With looming terrorist threats and alerts at airports affects teen psyche more than we think. They take it seriously and begin to see monsters behind every bush.

Will you pump in some optimism to teens around you? They desperately need them.

UK: Family breakdown causing social anarchy June 27, 2009

Last week, I was in UK. As I landed in London and was waiting for a connecting flight to Northern Ireland, I picked up the morning newspapers and was quite surprised at this report “Only Marriage can mend broken Britain” Read it for yourself – BBC, Daily Mail, and also Christian Institute.

Justice Paul Coleridge was addressing the UK parliment and compared ‘meltdown’ in british families with global warming and cancer behind all social evils. He said result of family breakdown would be distastruous to the nation. He even advocated government to do more for the families to end the social anarchy.

He also condemned the ‘pass the partner’ trend in growing prevlance in cities of UK and how such immoral practices would ’scar children for life.’ When future generation is ‘damaged and emotional disturbed’ as a result of parental neglect, selfishness and abuse, society is sure to pay a heavy price in the years to come. He claimed ‘almost all of society’s social ills can be traced directly to the collapse of familylife.’

Over last few decades, the anti-family policies that Western society has embraced has costed the nations dearly. Generations later somebody seems to get it. When collective good is sunk in favor of individual rights, society will implode. Abraham Lincoln was right - ’The strength of a nation lies in the strength of its families.’ When families falls apart, so goes community, church and the nation.

Somebody finally seems to have the courage and wisdom to challenge the growing epidemic of broken homes. After being family judge for several years and seeing first hand crisis of modern society, with insight into how it could afffect a nation’s future, he was calling for a change in attitude by the policy makers and seniors leaders of his country. Way to go Justice Coleridge. We need such champions in every nation!

Marriage beyond Infidelity April 30, 2009

I cam across this interesting article in Daily Mail in UK (leading daily with over 6 million circulation). It was titled – My husband’s affair was the BEST thing that ever happened to our marriage. Check it out entire article for yourself.

I wish that was true for more women who made surprise discoveries of their husband’s extra marital affairs. Infidelity wrecks marriages. Restoring broken trust is a near impossible task, especially when a third women is involved. Whether it is a casual one night stand on a business trips or affair with a secretary or old school mate who is unhappy in her marriage, it permanently damages your marriage. But yet it is not beyond redemption, as we can see from this story.

There is growing group of support network for individuals whose struggle in marriage where their mate is found unfaithful. It is called Beyond Affairs Network – http://www.beyondaffairs.com/. If you or someone you know is hurt by extra marital affairs, refer them to support groups in this network. They have several good resources to prevent affairs and recovering from affairs.

Prevention is better than cure. Avoiding the third person in the marriage, whether it be other women or man or mother-in-law, is always the best policy. Loosing it need not be the way to discover worth of something you always had. Cherishing your spouse with love and care that nothing else will come in between. Nurturing and growing your marriage is best way to keep off extra marital attractions and infidelity.

Go and build your marriage!!!!

Sexting – teen fad creating legal risks March 26, 2009

A new fad now among teens is taking naked pictures of themselves on cell phones and sending it to their friends. Now popularly called “sexting”, is getting very popular with teens everywhere. Texting which was generally popular among young people, now seems to have evolved into its next phase. See reports on sexting in NYT, AP, USTODAY and KXLY.

According to a recent study, 20% of teens aged 13 to 19 have taken nude or semi-nude pictures or videos of themselves and sent them to someone or posted them online. Most send these gifts to their boyfriend or girlfriend (69%) or someone they want to date or hook up with (30%).

Technology might have also aided this trend. Camera phones, large display screens, broadband internet access on phones etc. have helped to capture and mass distribute images. Youth culture promotes electronic sharing, which is evident from social networking, music sharing, video and personal images.

Instead of watching unknown porn stars, teens prefer to watch their own friends without clothes. Youths are getting more agressive and shedding more clothes to impress their peers. Though first time images are send to their boyfriends or girlfriends only, soon the exposures floats around among all their friends and over internet.

A youth leader in an Indian American church recently told me how he was surprised when browing through phone of one of his youth, he saw several naked images. The kid also confessed that images were of friends in school and church. Most kids getting caught up in this fad are clueless how it will impact them and their future.

But these kids are getting into big trouble. One in five teens may be a child pornographer risking life in prison–for the crime of taking and distributing naked pictures of themselves. Legal frameworks may be weak and loopholes are many. Annoymity of the Net and ease of circulating electronic files poses grave risk not only now, but also for years to come.

Imagine what happens when your future spouse and children come across your naked images. Images taken are being used to blackmail and take undue advantages including sexual favors. It is causing deep guilt of foolish action at the spur of the moment, causing depression and suicidal thoguts. This fad is sure to cause much heartache.

When to get married? November 14, 2008

Average age of first marriage has gone by an year. Official numbers are out for the year. It is 28 for men and 26 for women. It is up by an year for both men and women from last year. Americans are waiting longer to get married. See the report in USA Today of the study by NFI & University of Texas.

Once people married their childhood sweethearts; then they met their future mate at college campuses and now life partners are found at workplaces. With rising educational needs to survive in a competitive market place, 20 something are more focussed on standing on their feet before deciding to get married.

The odds for a happy marriage may favor those who tie the knot between the ages of 23 and 27. Both early marriages (before finishing college ie 20) and late marriages (after 30) seems to have high rate of casualty.  Cohabitation has also pushed the age of marriage upwards. 

Marriage age has steadily climbed in all developed nations over last few centuries. Education and job pursuits keep people occupied. It also makes marriage prospects harder. Disperson of families on account of studies and work, also reduces their social circles to choose future mate from. Processes have also undergone significant change. Match makers, matrimonial columns, faith groups, arranged marriage, online profile matching etc have created confusion over mater selection process.

Is there an ideal age of marriage? I tend to say no. People are at different places when it comes to relational readiness, emotional maturity and commitment to tie knot. Average age needed not make you feel that you are doomed for a lonely life or think there are many years to think about all this stuff. How are you preparing for a lasting and fulfilling marriage? How ready are you for it?

Solving British Teen Pregnancy Problem July 16, 2008

Heard about this absurdity – British government has urged school kids to try oral sex in order to cut teen pregnancies! Have they gone crazy or what? Do they think it is a novel idea and a creative means to contain a moral dilemma. Read more here. SIFY, Daily Mail, Sun

This advice is a part of Ten Commandments for young people released by chief medical officer Sir Liam Donaldson. He has suggested that teens should limit their sexual contact to touching, fondling and pleasuring each other. Crazy idea indeed. How can anyone stop at that point, without going all the way!

Over 3,000 girls under 16 gave birth in England and Wales in 2006 and 4,700 had an abortion. Under 14 abortions soard 20% last year. The abortion rate was highest for 19-year-olds at 36 per 1,000 girls. Terminations using a pill rather than surgery made up 35 per cent of the total in 2007, compared with 30 per cent in 2006.

This ‘stop-short’ approach is pushing the boundaries and deepening sexual promiscuity among teens. This will not only contain teen pregnancies but cause explosive growth in coming years. It is sure to backfire as many other morally liberal sex-ed stratagies have done before.

In few weeks, I am headed to London to speak at a youth conference there and wanted to see what is going on among youth these days. This was the first news that came across. Disturbing indeed. Would love to hear your comments.

Growing Women Smokers in India April 9, 2008

Urban Indian women are leaving a new trail – smoke. Women are catching up fast and narrowing the gap across gender lines in the domain of smoking or chewing tobacco. See a report in India Today. It is based on a World Health Organization’s global survey of tobacco usage.

Here are some disturbing finding:

31% women tobacco addicts in India are between age 15-49.

25% Indian women light up over 10 cigarettes per day.

62% of women smokers die in their prime compared to 38% of those who don’t.

1 in 20 women in India to die between age 30-69 due to tobacco in 2010s.

20% girls in Delhi and Chennai studying in Class 6 smoke (AIIMS study)

87% Hindi movies show onscreen smoking; 26% have a heroine who smokes.

In spite of the labeling that ’smoking is injurious to health’, tobacco companies continue to market new and imprved version to younger generations. Targeting women and young kids is a great marketing strategy, but why we don’t learn the damage it has caused to men and older generations. Why are bent on repeating mistakes all over again. Interesting that now they have a pink cigarette too!

Social stigma is out and new trendy fashion statement is drawing scores of women to this addictive habit. “Me too” attitude among women and want to stand on equal footing with man prevails among modern urban Indian women. Smoking becomes a way of keeping up with men. They will not let gender disparity happen in tobacco consumption as well. How foolish!

Some blame the media for promoting it, while other find government regulation insufficient. Bollywood now portrays many women smokers. Magazines continue to circumvent the advertisement ban on tobacco products. Sporting events continues to carry billboard of cigarette makers. Industry is promoting smoking as a cultural icon of sophistication, glamour and sexual allure and there is a large middle class women falling prey to it.

Check out here for resource to help youth quit smoking: Anti-smoking, Teen health.