Coconut Generation

The Next Generation of Asian Indians

Marriage beyond Infidelity April 30, 2009

Filed under: Culture,Family,Ministries,News — Sam George @ 6:37 pm

I cam across this interesting article in Daily Mail in UK (leading daily with over 6 million circulation). It was titled – My husband’s affair was the BEST thing that ever happened to our marriage. Check it out entire article for yourself.

I wish that was true for more women who made surprise discoveries of their husband’s extra marital affairs. Infidelity wrecks marriages. Restoring broken trust is a near impossible task, especially when a third women is involved. Whether it is a casual one night stand on a business trips or affair with a secretary or old school mate who is unhappy in her marriage, it permanently damages your marriage. But yet it is not beyond redemption, as we can see from this story.

There is growing group of support network for individuals whose struggle in marriage where their mate is found unfaithful. It is called Beyond Affairs Network – If you or someone you know is hurt by extra marital affairs, refer them to support groups in this network. They have several good resources to prevent affairs and recovering from affairs.

Prevention is better than cure. Avoiding the third person in the marriage, whether it be other women or man or mother-in-law, is always the best policy. Loosing it need not be the way to discover worth of something you always had. Cherishing your spouse with love and care that nothing else will come in between. Nurturing and growing your marriage is best way to keep off extra marital attractions and infidelity.

Go and build your marriage!!!!


Married folks twice happier than Singles April 23, 2009

Filed under: Youth — Sam George @ 8:51 pm

A new Pew Research Center poll reveals something that’s not new at all: married people are happier than singles.

In the most recent poll, 43 percent of people who are married reported being happy, compared with just 24 percent of singles. Even in spite of the beating marriage has taken in recent years, this number is as true now as it was a generation ago. The results were exactly the same for women as for men.

The Pew happiness study didn’t confine it’s focus only to marriage. Here are some other interesting findings:

  • Money may not buy happiness but it does reflect it. The percentage of people reporting being happy rose consistently with income level.
  • Health was also a reliable predictor, with the satisfaction level directly tied to how healthy the individual reported being.
  • Ideology also tracked with happiness, with 40 percent of conservatives being happy, compared to 33 percent of moderates and 27 percent of those identifying themselves as liberal
  • Those who regularly attend church at least once a week are significantly more happy than those who attend once a month or less
  • Blacks are less happy than whites or Hispanics, but interestingly money was not a reliable predictor of happiness among blacks
  • Employment was not a predictor of happiness among women, but men who were unemployed were significantly less happy than those who held jobs
  • The less rushed, the more happy. About 42 percent of those who said they were almost never rushed reported being happy, compared with 24 percent of those who felt they were always hurried

Abduction of boys in China April 22, 2009

Filed under: china,Culture,Family,health,India,United States,Youth — Sam George @ 6:34 pm

Young boys are abducted and sold to families who are desperate for a male heir. Yet another fallout from the one child policy to contain population by the Chinese government. Little kids are stolen from play ground and even snatched from the hands of care givers. See the story in New York Times. 

Mother with a poster of her kidnapped son (source: NYT)

We all have heard of sex selective abortion plague in India and other parts of the world. In several Indian states this has led to skewed gender balance. Inherant gender bias, religious superstitions and preference for boys force many young couples to determine sex of the babies soon after conception and if it is a girl, they try to abort and keep trying to have a boy child. For more on female infanticide in India and China check out Gendercide case study.

I believe this is nothing but a curse that as society and future generations are bound to pay for. The intentional killing of baby girls due to the preference for male babies and from the low value associated with the birth of females. Chuck Colson called it as a curse that keeps on giving in his breakpoint commentary on this issue.

Market forces are at play. When supply is low and demand rises, so does prices for boys.  Now demand for boys is on the rise. Much of which is a result of distorted social policy. Families are paying thousands of dollars (several months of earnings) in order to ‘secure’ their future by ‘buying’ a boy child. As the NYT story cites, this is not international human trafficking issue, but this trend is aimed at meeting a need in locally.

China has 32 million more males than females under twenty. In 2005, there were 120 boys born for every 100 girls. The preference for male children has led to the aborting of 16 million females in China. When they come of age, finding a mate is going to be serious problem. Growing up without siblings, they lack relationship skills and most remain ignorant of female species of their kind or how to relate to them. Not to mention rise of gay lifestyle and breakdown in marriges.

Several years ago, I spoke at a UN conference on families and had the previalge of having dinner along with China minister for social affairs. We discussed about family planning policies of India and China. He was well aware of  growing problems of the Chinese policy to contain it bulging population and yet had to stand by his government stand on this issue. So tragic!

Cry of the aborted infants are calling for justice to their Creator. The destiny of future generation should not determined by goverment policy, nor should kids become a commodity with a price tag on their head, nor families should be restricted in reproduction rights. Who will stand for the rights or ideoligical shaped policies of our national leaders?


Kids on Facebook get lower grades April 15, 2009

Filed under: Youth — Sam George @ 4:30 pm

Heard of this? Kids who use Facebook have lower GPA than those who do not. A new study by a doctral candidate has now confirmed what parents always was suspicious about. Too much time spend on computers on social networking apps are taking precious time that should be spend on studying. See the report in TIME.

Critics say you don’t need a doctral dessertation is show what is obvious. Others say study does not suggest that Facebook directly causes lower grades, but there is a relationship between the two. “Networking may not be need now,” parents say, “they need to focus on getting good grades and getting into college.”

But among minority communities like Asian Americans, it is crucial for teens to meet others like them who are marginalized. It is a developmental need and socnet platforms provide an ideal platform for it. When their distinct socio-cultural needs are not met, it could create isolation and greater psychological problems.

When radio, TV and emails appeared, many parents and youthworkers said a similar thing. I’m not saying everything on Facebook or other social networking sites are great. We must educate kids of the dangers posed by such online interface and fallacy of online relationships. Any new technological adoption and cultural revolution is bound to have other repercussions, falling grade is one of them.


Another shooting in an Indian American household April 2, 2009

Filed under: Youth — Sam George @ 3:46 am

This time it is in Santa Clara (CA). The guy worked for Yahoo and had earlier worked with Microsoft. Keralite origin… I think. Goes from room to room….shooting and killing his wife, two kids, wife’s brother’s family… before killing himself.

See news reports at SF Mercury, Times and Local TV station.

Last year we saw similar incidents in a Indian church in NJ, homes in Chicago and LA. Murdering family members and then committing suicide is an uniquely Indian phenomena in North America. Murder-suicide within family are difficult to analyze. No one lives to tell what was going on. Parents or relatives back home are clueless what led them to such drastic step.

Indian Americans being one of the most educated and highest income brackets are often viewed as “Model Minority” in United States. Main stream American society is unable to comprehend underling causes of such extreme steps that families are forced to take. Shame driven cultures forces some to think it is better to be dead than my family has to face humiliation or loss of public status in the community.

What can be done to avoid repetition of such incidents in your own community? I would like to hear your thots. Thanks.